Sunday, August 26, 2007

Day before school

It's Sunday night, right before the first day of school. And I'm ready. It's been a difficult week, and I need to focus on something else other than my personal woes.

I completed 21 of a 23-mile run today, mostly due to a lack of fuel in my tank. Christine motored the entire run in a most impressive fashion. Somewhere along mile 17, another woman tagged along on her 14-mile run and eventually left us. It was kind of painful watching her go ahead, considering that she appeared to have, oh, 20 pounds on us. Ugh.

The run may've been more difficult because I just ended a tough week. I finally had my follow-up mammogram, which turned out to be OK.

The anticipation of undergoing the mammogram truly gnawed at me. I've always had my exams in the evening, so I'm generally the only person in the waiting area. This time, I sat with four other women, each of us donning the white capes. If only the capes allowed us to have some superpower, to prevent something bad from harming us, to allow us to fly away and escape the pressure of what was to come, the fear of the unknown. Each woman I saw was able to go in and fly away. I had to return after my mammogram because of the irregularity. My cape and I returned to wait for the ultrasound. We got called back. As I laid on the examination table, I felt the tears stream down my face, even before the ultrasound began. I wondered what would happen to my girls, to my husband, to my family. Within 10 minutes, the radiologist arrived to tell me that I have a depression in the right side. It'll be OK. For now, I hope. I wish. I pray.

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